in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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