Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
