Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
