I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize