You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
