Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
What drink are we having for lunch?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
