you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
