Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
