I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
