can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
