People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
