That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize