haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
