I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
