3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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