Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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