Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize