all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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