how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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