I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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