he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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