we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
