I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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