My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
