Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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