So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
