I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
