I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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