hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
