In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize