Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize