friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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