I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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