i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I love you. Go after that dick
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
