youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
