and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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