The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
