I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
