hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
