Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We're too hungover to prance.
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