maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
