Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
