I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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