I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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