Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
