then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
