Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
