Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
