I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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