She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
