oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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