She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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