It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
