from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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