I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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