Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
