Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
