Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
