So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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