idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
