I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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