Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
