God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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