dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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