I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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