i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
