can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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