who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
