Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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