She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
