This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
