but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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