idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I faked an abortion last night.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
