I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
