i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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