So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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